New York Mag assumes you have enough friends to rent a beach house with, and they're very concerned that you're going to fuck recklessly. So, if you do plan on boinking in a house where there's other couples about, take these tips to heart, lest you end up being the one to cook breakfast in the morning.

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The Huffington Post has come up with 15 ways to talk about sex. It claims to be nothing more than random thoughts jotted down, and it reads that way, but the third on the list -- the "economic" method of communicating sexual needs -- made at least twelve Objectivists come in their pants. "We can reduce sexuality down to mere free-market transactions of mutual benefit? I'm finally going to get laid!"

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AskMen AskedWomen about hooking up via "dating" apps like Tinder. The result? Sometimes a gal just has to get laid. They make the statement that women's sex drives are just as strong as men's, but women self-report lower sexual activity due to social pressures. Don't worry, ladies, the social tide is turning: anti-slut-shaming movements are making it OK to be satisfied with getting laid whenever you feel like it!

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Think casual sex is a bad, bad thing? Not always, says scientists. General knowledge of the fact that lots of people have casual sex, and most grow up to be well-rounded doctors, lawyers, cowgirls, and baristas, would seem to indicate that fucking for fun is generally non-harmful - but this study says that, if done right, casual sex can be positive for self-esteem and satisfaction with life.

Yeah, the study emphasizes "done right", because it can sometimes have a negative effect...but since the 'good' or 'bad' is derived from the situation, and not the sex itself, the critical part is less "how long-term is this relationship?" and more "do I really want to bang this chick on a dirty couch just because I'm the only erect penis available?" Well, I might still lump the second example in "positive sexual experiences", but it doesn't take much to boost my self-esteem. So, ride 'em cowboy, have casual sex but check yourself to make sure it is a positive experience before you get too far into things.

Kinsey said 3/4 of men ejaculate within two minutes, but this guy says it's only about 45%, while most women need 5 - 7 minutes to really get going. While this doesn't necessarily mean that premature ejaculation is in play it still means that there's in incongruity between the two halves regarding how long sex should last.

As the article above said, going too long isn't that great, either: vaginas aren't designed for marathon pounding, so don't think that longer is better either.

So, the goal is that 5 to 7 minute range -- and it's about control, not 'on' or 'off'. Here's some things to try:

Kegels: Men have them too - and, like women, they have an important part in sex. It's easy, and you can make a game of it - simply flex your muscles down there while peeing to try and stop the stream. See how long you can do it (I mean, don't close it off then go back to work, that's crazy), but being able to manipulate your kegels can help slow things down.

Condoms: They reduce sensitivity a bit, and that bit may be enough to last long enough. Plus, it makes post-sex cleanup a lot easier. And don't buy the cheap ones at Walgreens; invest in some nice ones online.

Positions: Positions where your back muscles are holding you up can delay orgasm a bit; try standing, doggy, or on her side. Also, put her on top and in control; not thrusting may delay things as well.

More foreplay: If you simply can't get past two minutes, get her riled up first: mouth, tongue, and toys are all good ways to rev her engine before you take the plunge.

Orgasm denial: simply stop and take a break when the orgasm starts to rise. This may be a bit frustrating, especially for her since she's trying to come too, but make it part of the game and it might be more fun than you think.

Desensitizing creams: They even make condoms with this built-in, but I'd discourage these unless you've got no other option. You don't have control over how strong they are or how long they last, and if you get it inside her she might not appreciate the desensitization, so experiment with them first before making it part of the main course.

Of course, if you can only last seconds, talk to your doctor, there may be more of an issue than a lack of simultaneous orgasms. Plus, talk to your partner, and make this a cooperative event - like sex is supposed to be.

When it comes to one-night stands, girth is what does it for the ladies. They tested this by showing women a variety of dildos that "...ranged in size from 4 inches long and 2.5 inches in circumference to 8.5 inches long and 7 inches in circumference." Just for reference, that's 1/4" of an inch thick to 2-1/4" thick -- for comparison, a Coke can is about 2-1/2" diameter and 5" tall, so the "big" end of the scale is about the equivalent of two beercans stacked on top of each other. Eh, maybe they couldn't find the model of my penis and that's the next biggest dildo they could find.

Anyhow, the study found that, while women would prefer the Coke-can diameter, just one is plenty, thankuvrymuch: they'd rather be stretched, putting pressure on the clitoris and g-spot, than have their cervix pummeled by someone too long. The study also found that women overestimated the size of penises they'd seen, so stop worrying about size, guys; she's adding inches completely in her head.

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A new study has discovered that the hungrier a guy is, the more attracted he is to a larger woman. I'm sure there's an empirical method for determining this, and I'm hoping they have figured out a logarithmic scale, a bell curve of sorts, so if I'm feeling like "well, I had a late lunch, but I'm craving sweets now" will somehow translate to the weight of the woman I'm attracted to right at that moment.

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First of all, ignore the incorrect, salacious headline -- they'd have you believe Evangelical Christians cheat more than anyone else, but they messed up their math. What the actual study shows is that there are more Evangelicals in America, and a correspondingly larger portion of Evangelicals using AshleyMadison to cheat.

This is far less about religious hypocrisy, and more about the lack of hypocrisy in being a human. The fact that religion doesn't have a large mathematically-proven influence in who is interested in cheating on their spouse is proof that sex isn't about sin and salvation: sexual behavior is innate, and simply part of being human.

Now, I'm not advocating cheating - only assholes would cheat on someone they love, and conversely only assholes stick with someone they don't love in order to get sex on the side - but everyone's known someone who cheated. It's pretty clear that the sex drive knows no logic nor fairness, and neither religion nor morals can change that. Learn how not to be an ass when it comes to sex, but get it out of your head that your religion has anything to do with it.

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(Note: Evangelicals do lose their virginity earlier according to this study)

Hey, inexperienced dudes (and women of such persuasion) - here's how to go down on your female lover. You mean it's not just "poke everything with your tongue"? No wonder I get pushed away so often. Anyhow, you're welcome.

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Uneducated people might get laid more, but college grads are far more creative about it. The study comes from Lovehoney, a sex toy proprietor, so there's a bit of self-selection in the kind of people who respond to such studies, but it sounds factual to me. I mean, when you're in college, who has time for so many sex partners? What with all the studying and classes and trying to work to pay the bills, you need to get innovative with how you use your lovemaking time. It's not a difference in IQ, it's about efficiency.

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It turns out that 11% of people admit to having sex while driving. Most of that sounds like basic fooling around, but this couple must've been doing something awfully distracting since they were cuising at 55mph, turned down a dead-end dirt road, and went airborne for 30 feet over a canal, all while half naked and canoodling in the driver's seat. Man, if texting while driving is bad, this is so much worse -- they need to put up PSA billboards to discourage sexdriving now, too!

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Slut shaming misses the math: slut shaming makes for less sex partners. This has been my mantra about the whole "women are pure, men can sleep around" - sex requires at least one woman, and one man. You can't get around that math. So, if half of all women are "sluts", that means each one has to have slept with two guys. Half women too much? OK, one out of every four fucks four guys. One out of every four is a lot: you've got two grandmas, that means odds are one of them is a slut, and that makes Baby Jesus cry. To get the odds down to a huge majority of women being non-sluts, but guys still getting a lot of sex, means that each slut is servicing hundreds, if not thousands of guys. They're fucking a different guy every single night of the week - morning noon and night, even! These noble women are ensuring that guys get as much sex as they want, while preserving the honor of all other women. Heroes, they are.

But, go back to Monday's post: 91% of women have premarital sex. Dude, sluts aren't the problem - skipping statistics class is.

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Anyone who has actually thought about history knows this to be true, but I only recently found this study: premarital sex is normal. Ranging from between 75% to 91% -- 91% of women, that is -- have premarital sex.

So, let's look at this from an outsider perspective: back in the 1950s -- before Roe vs Wade, before the Pill, before online condom ordering -- people were having sex without being married. Look at old newspapers from the 19th century, all the stories of women whose dignity was 'sullied' by a man who didn't go through with the marriage...if people weren't doing it left and right, why would people have even imagined passing laws about cohabitation and sex outside of marriage?

The truth is, society has been doing just fine with everyone fucking all the time, married or not married. The democratic republic we're living in today was established by people who fucked each other when they barely knew what they were doing. Trying to pass laws that contradict the natural order of things has no effect.

Well, they do have an affect: they make people feel like shit for doing what their parents, and their parents' parents, and their great-great-great-etc grandparents did. OK, maybe grandma was one of that 9% that didn't fuck before marriage, but it can't be all of them.

So, before you get all "there's too much premarital sex, let's spread abstinence only!" get some fucking perspective: there has always been premarital sex, and the world has never fallen apart because of it. Focus on making sex safe and supported, and then maybe the world will be a little bit better of a place.

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This just in: sex has been invented by the latest generation of humans. Until now, humans have reproduced via an asexual method of procreation which existed only in darkened rooms and did not require the participation of even the human releasing their reproductive spores. In this landmark event, "Millenials" have decided that young humans are actually quite equipped to have sexual encounters with whoever they feel like, when they want, but are discovering they are only moderately prepared for the emotional fortitude required to do it in a healthy way. This revelation has stunned - stunned - older generations, who never had sex their entire lives, and are certain there was never anything fun about sex. More on this breaking story as it transpires.

In all seriousness, though, when hasn't there been a shocking - shocking - look at the sexual habits of freshly-minted adults? Just consider every True Stories, Men's Adventure, Skin Mag, and CosmoWannabe from the past hundred years. Salacious views of "the changing landscape of sexuality" has been selling magazines for years, when, really, it comes down to an interesting fringe comprised of a social movement with hedonistic undertones ("hookup culture" versus "free love" versus "flappers") stoking the fears and jealousy of those not involved, while everyone else is pretty much just having sex whenever it becomes available. And so it goes, humanity.

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Spies Travel is planning on getting two birds with one stone: Solve Denmark's deceasing birthrate by fucking in France! Or Germany, or Greece, or Poland, I'm sure the travel agency isn't too picky where you want to buy tickets to, as long as you go there and fuck your brains out. For the good of the nation, of course.

Don't worry, women, faking it is just fine: according to a new study, faking orgasms is all part of the fun. It can improve the sex experience for both partners. The process is measured by the Faking Orgasm Scale, because if there's anything that needs to be quantitated and analyzed, it's an orgasm...or at least the features of pretending to orgasm. See, now they're just making it more complicated, and who can orgasm like that?

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Wherever Conservatives go, everyone's surprised by the amount of sex that follows. Sure, Liberals probably fuck the locals just as much, but they're at least happy to admit it. Conservatives hate any sort of just-for-fun sex -- when speaking to the public -- so there's a certain amount of schadenfreude in reading their non-sexy and barely poetic attempts to get laid via Craigslist. Can't you guys just masturbate to pictures of women being turned away from abortion clinics or kids going hungry? We all know what turns you on: you'll be much happier if you just admit it to the world.

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